Breaking the Silence

So here it is. I apologize for the silence. I have spent the last few weeks reading and writing. For the first time in a very long time, I actually handed in my paper. It was 2 days late, but it was handed in. I should be able to do the other assignments a little easier now. I am shocked at how easy it was. I thought it would be so hard to write a paper, but when I relax and just do what I'm asked, it's rather simple. It helps that the concepts we are being taught are rather intuitive. They seem to me to be common sense. I would be interested to know what other people are thinking.

So, now that that's over, I'm on to the next assignment and you get to take part now. Any feedback over the next few months would be appreciated. So I have to do a mentoring project for my leadership class. I have to meet with a mentor for an hour to an hour and a half a week. That project started today. Bronwyn Smith is my mentor. We talked about a few things today that really got me thinking. First is what is THE most important quality a leader can have. To me, it is being trustworthy. If I can't trust my leader, I will not follow them. I know this is exactly what we've talked about in class, but talking with Bronwyn, I can use analogies and stories to help me understand why. I looked at several leadership relationships I have had and the biggest breakdown was when I stopped trusting people. I think I'm good with trust though. I try very hard to help people trust me. I try to make sure I do what I say I'm going to. I make mistakes, but I admit to them. For example, I have a client I have been working with for several weeks now at work. There were some errors made on his account and it has interrupted his real estate business. Needless to say, he was a little annoyed. I promised to call him back at certain times and made a sincere effort to do so. I was never more than 45 minutes late and I made sure he understood before the process started that it might happen sometimes. Every step of the way, if I told him I would do something, I made sure I did it. I needed him to know that when I said something, I meant it. If there was ever a breakdown of trust, I ran the risk of losing him as a client. If someone trusts you, they will compromise when they can't have it their way.

I think one major thing that could stand in the way of me becoming a great leader is my insecurity related to my effect on the dynamic of a group. I love to watch groups and figure out what role each person plays in the group as well as what people's strengths and weaknesses are. I am unable to do that with myself because I am so concerned with how I am affecting the group. I overanalyze every choice because I am afraid that someone will react negatively to it. If I were to start trusting my gut, otherwise known as the voice of the Spirit, I would probably find myself having more success. The problem is, I don't know how to turn the switch off. With several things, I have changed the subject to something else such as my addictions through the years. I started on praise, moved to drugs, moved to alcohol, moved to the feeling when the Spirit moves and now it's caffiene. I can challenge each addiction as I find it, but rather than getting rid of the root of the addiction, I just move it to something else. Same thing here. I used to overanalyze absolutely everything. It was paralyzing. Now I try to enjoy my life. My house is okay. I don't have to figure out exactly what needs to move. I don't need to have the exact right color combination. All I have to do is enjoy it. It's mine. I still overanalyze anything that has to do with interacting with people. I'll have to see where that journey takes me.

The goals we have set so far are to explore my definition of leadership, open my bag of tools, they look more like puzzle pieces to me, and figure out how they work together and how best to wield them. I have seen over the past year many of the qualities of an excellent leader, I just can't seem to apply the concepts. I think what I want to get out of this mentorship is to figure out how to use the skills I have. I believe I am a natural born leader, I'm just not here yet.