In a Daze

Sorry to everyone who checked in and thought I had gone and started another project and not followed through. My internet was down all weekend. So I'm back at work and blogging again. I was hoping that today I would tell you about the really good stuff that has happened in my life because there's tons of it. Unfortunately, that's not the case. I woke up to a ringing phone this morning at 1:30. I thought it was strange when my husband hurriedly got off the phone saying "I love you" to someone, which they don't say very often in his family. I sat up and asked him who it was and he said it was his mom. A feeling of dread came over me as I contemplated what could bring on this early hours phone call. So what's wrong? My brother in law has passed away. Even as I write this, I feel as though it's all a really bad dream and I'm going to wake up soon. I hadn't done laundry since before we moved so Rich had no clothes to wear. We decided that he would go into work and get all of the paperwork done while I would stay home and get his laundry done and pack for him so I haven't slept yet. Having gotten up very early yesterday, I am going on my 30th waking hour hoping I can sleep soon. We cover so much stuff in training at work that I don't dare miss a day that I don't have to. So here I sit. Desperately wanting to be at home comforting my hurting husband (which would consist of sleeping and holding him when he wakes up). The police don't have any information for us yet, so we wait. i will be alone this week. My first test with my new attitude. Can I be strong when my husband cannot? I hope God will give me the strength to make it. I will continue to update during this time, but I hope you can appreciate that this news sent me into shock. I am still quite numb. I am feeling the fear and confusion in waves. A couple of hours of stability then it hits me again and I start asking God why? How can this make sense? I start thinking about the questions my husband's family must have and how I would answer them and frankly, it's not looking good. How can I, as an aspiring spiritual leader, not have the answers? I know I can't know everything right now, but I wish I had some answers for them. I will write more later.