Prayers of a Not-So-Saint

Heavenly Father,

you are the creator of everything. You made each and every person on earth the way they are and you know each and every one of us. You know when we come and when we go, when we wake up and when we sleep. You put us together in our mother's wombs. You know us so well that you know how many hairs are on our heads.

This scares me Lord. If you know me this well, you know that I have been a hypocrite. I don't want people to know that I am scared of you. I am scared that if I start talking to you again, you might tell me that I have to let go of all the good things that are in my life.

I know that you love me. You know better than me what is good for me and what is not. I do not live with my heart in submission to you Lord because you may not let me have what I want.

I confess this to you now. I am sinful and cannot do anything out of my own strength. Lord, you know my heart. All I really want is to serve you. You sent your Son to die on the cross so that in times like this, the price would already be paid. Lord, thank you for loving me even when I'm not so sure you should and thank you for sending your Holy Spirit to speak to my heart.

Lord, I ask that you would search my heart and show me anything undesirable in it. Give me humility to know that without you, I am nothing. Give me courage to come to you for everything, not just things that are hard. A life lived in your arms is worth more than all the treasure in the world.

Lord, take over my heart. Help me to always know that I am not worthy to lead your sheep into your presence. Show me that only by fully relying on you can I know your will for them.

Sweet consolations when I was a child gave me the impression that I had a direct connection to you Lord, that I knew your will without asking you. Forgive me for my arrogance, Lord. teach humility to my heart. Show me that as I humble myself in your presence, only then will you show me the path.

Lord, this is a hard process. My knees are stiff and the ground is hard. The pride in my heart makes it difficult to bow before you. But you created me for one purpose Lord. To worship you. All I know is that I need to turn my face and heart towards you.

I love you, Jesus. Thank you for coming and showing me that God really does want a relationship with me. Show me the path to the throne room and remind me that I don't deserve to be there.

I pray all this in Jesus' name
Amen