Kitchen additions

Alright so I have been in the kitchen for 2 months now. That's a long time for me. I have usually gone to the healing room, the throne room, the terrace and back to the throne room by now. Looking back at my last post, I jumped the gun a little bit. Before you can love someone, you have to like them first. You like someone, then you love them, then its okay not to like them sometimes because you love them but you can learn to like them again. THat whole learning how to love myself is a project for another day. THe first project is to truly stand in the kitchen adn like me. My problem with the kitchen is that it is who I am right now. It is selfishness, jealousy, greed and loathing. It is the family I have grown up with and am ashamed of their inability to love each other. It is the face that looks back in the mirror that shows the years of mistreatment. It is teh girl who was able to manipulate people from the age of 7 into doing exactly what she wanted no matter what the consequences for them were. I want God to love teh person I want to be. I want God to take this person that I am out of the picture and start from scratch. The kitchen is about him telling me that's not going to happen. The appliances are chrome and buffed to such a high polished shine that I can see myself as if in a mirror. Had he brought me to the bathroom and said look in the mirror, I would have looked in teh mirror but at him. He caught me off guard, face to face with myself. This is where the healing room, the throne room and the terrace begin. Until I can take this picture of myself into the healing room with me instead of the person I want to be, I will have to stay in the kitchen. I wish I could leave it all behind. I'm making a mess of the kitchen now. THe things I don't like about myself are dripping off of me like ooze. They're pooling on teh floor in such a puddle I can't clean it up. I'm not even trying to. I have tears in my eyes and I'm looking up at God asking why? And he is saying because this is who I love.