Worship Again

So I have finally taken down the walls between me and God. The last time I tried to answer his call to worship without abandon, I ended up hurting really bad. It's hard to come back from that, but I realize that it's me and the people I was working with who made poor choices. I have been really nervous about getting back into a worship mode again. I keep thinking God is going to put me back in the same place I was in before. The thing I need to realize is that God didn't put me there. He let me stay there because he needed me to see that I could go through that and be okay, but he did not put me there. I find it funny because once I have dealt with the pain and the mistrust, I always default to the same thing. I don't just like to worship God, I need to worship God. Like I need to eat food and drink water, I need to worship him. If I don't I get lost and make terrible decisions. I started writing a song a couple of days ago. I've never written before so it's going to take a while, but it started in a dream. As I was waking up, I could here the line "Ze O, Ze O by credit, by concerto, by sonata, by prelude, Ze O" and I could hear it being sung by a choir with some very rich harmonic textures. I reiterate that I haven't written before so I know the line is a little hoaky, but it's a start. The only foreign language I know is french and I knew Ze O wasn't French so I started looking it up trying to find out what language it was. Turns out it's Czech. It means "through within". I think the idea I will go for is that the music I make is created through the power that lives within me. I'm not sure how much Czech I will include, but I may try to find a few more phrases. It was really strange when I woke up from the dream. I knew how the line was pronounced and the kind of mood the music to go with it had to have, but I had absolutely no way of knowing what the phrase meant. It's kind of cool when God makes it absolutely clear that he has given you the song. As I started working with that phrase, as with every song, it went through a few different styles. I think I am inspired to do a simple folk style worship song with just an acoustic guitar as well. The lines of the song were this, I would take out the "Ze O" lines and rework them as I want to keep them for the choir song.

Ze O, Ze O
through credit, through concerto,
through Sonata, through Prelude,
All my life is in you

I bring my voice with the angels
To worship at your feet
and you make your home
within my heart
so I live Ze O

It needs a lot of work, but it's not bad for a first try. I'm going to consult with the songwriting teacher at my old school and get his help with it as well. I'm really excited since this is the first time I've had the confidence to ignore the fact I've never written a song before. I mean, there's no time like the present to start right? And if I'm going to start a Christian band, I've got to have a repertoire, right. I need to be careful with this too though. Some of my friends may be overwhelmed with how quickly this change has happened so I need to ease them into it and be understanding when they cross the boundaries. I'll need to be firm with where my boundaries are, but people will learn as I go.

Heavenly Father,

I have a prayer in my heart. I pray that those I touch, would feel your love for them. I pray that those I have hurt would understand that I take responsibility for it and find it in their hearts to forgive me. I pray that you would show me how to live a life devoted to you without excluding people who don't know you. I pray that you would give me a place to worship every moment of every day.