I asked myself why church exists 2 weeks ago. Not because I think its a bad thing. Just because I asked myself what I would say if someone asked my why I go to church. Its a question that has been floating around in the back of my brain trying to get answered. I started by asking why I go to church and then asked myself how many of those reasons can help to answer why other people go to church. I tried to think of it in context of why people started going to church in the beginning and why they have continued for so many centuries. First, why I go to church.
I first started going to church because Dad took me. Me and my brother both went until my brother was 12. I was 10 at that time and my brother had tried to get out of it for years. Something about church resonated with me. It's only now that I have identified within myself a sensitivity to the spiritual realm and that sensitivity has made me seek my creator at every step of my life. There was never a question of if I was created, just a question of who created me. The precepts in the bible have always resonated with me and I keep coming back to it and Christianity as the real answer.
Don't get me wrong, I tried other things. As a teenager, I participated in Wiccan rites and Satanic rituals. There is an Occult movement in Calgary that a lot of Christians are afraid to acknowledge, but it reminds me constantly that the Spiritual War we are called to wage is real and current. Every choice we make, every relationship we nurture sways the balance one direction or the other. I am hoping my actions generally sway it in the right direction.
Sorry, rabbit trail. Sometimes they're necessary. So church. The sensitivity to the spirit that I have always felt has made me question what I believe constantly. I will be honest. At some points, I have nearly talked myself out of the idea of church. It was a scary place for me when I returned. As a teenager I still acknowledged God as creator and the choices I was making were not an intentional insult to him, they were just the poor decisions of a teenager reaching out. (If you don't know my testimony, click here to read it, but be forewarned, it's a little graphic). I took part in the occult activity to see if the spiritual calling I had always felt would be satisfied in those worlds. Needless to say they weren't. In fact, the rites I participated in just made me more convinced that what I learned in the bible was true and I needed to get to know God a little more. Once my life was on the right path, I decided church is good, I just have to find the right church that does it the right way.
I had a very legalistic mind set at that point (it was necessary to turn my life around). It was always the right way or the highway for me. I didn't realize at the time that the "right" way was actually my way. Fortunately, I serve a gracious God and he has forgiven me for that. Slowly, the right counsellors in my life made me realize that my way isn't always the right way and its okay to be wrong. Granted it took them 8 years to teach me that and I still forget it sometimes, but I think I have the general principle down.
I went back to church when I was 18 with a genuine desire to find God. The first church I went to was full of people truly and honestly chasing after God. The worship was genuine, the people were honest and the preacher didn't preach as if he knew everything (that's a good thing). There were some significant things that happened to the people in leadership at that church all at the same time and slowly, the church started to dwindle. I could see what was happening and that was where this question of why do I go to church began. We started thinking about what a church should have. Sometimes it was people our age, sometimes it was established programs, sometimes it was people we knew, sometimes it was a preacher who really seemed to know God. We searched scripture for the rules of what a good church was and never really found an answer. Now I know why, but that's for later.
The last church I went to before the one I attend now was a very big learning experience for me personally, emotionally and spiritually. I was the intern worship leader and they were supposed to be teaching me how to do it, but things didn't go well. I won't give you the details, but I ended up very hurt and questioned whether people who ran churches really cared about God and his mission at all. Each leader didn't seem to pray to find out what God wanted the church to do and everyone had different ideas. Some thought it should become a modern, seeker-driven worship center, some thought it should revert to a hymn singing traditional church and others thought it needed to become a jumping off point for some kind of community outreach. The fighting and indecision made me wonder if they were really following God at all. They weren't the first spiritual leaders that didn't seem to care and so I wondered whether church was a good thing at all.
The last 4 years of my life have been spent worshipping with the officers and congregation of the Glenmore Temple of the Salvation Army. They have really shown me why church exists and taught me why Christians should go to church. The bible doesn't say anywhere "Thou shalt go to church every Sunday without fail". The bible doesn't really tell us how we should do church. The bible tells us that we should fellowship with other believers. It also gives us a lot of information on how to act as people generally. In addition it says to be aware because the devil is prowling like a lion trying to take us down. Putting all of these together, this is what I have put together as my reason for going to church.
Fellowship with believers makes us feel accepted. It shows us that other people in the world believe the same things we do and therefore it is okay for us to believe. It gives us a place where we can talk about things that an unbelieving world labels as crazy or delussional without being afraid of what the people around us think. This also gives us trustworthy people to help us guard against heresy
Church also gives those who come from unbelieving families and countries a place of support, Ccnnecting them with others who also believe. Would you rather have your children babysat by someone who might read scripture to them as a bedtime story or try to invite their significant other over and have a makeout session with them? When the people in our lives reflect the beliefs we carry, our families are more likely to accept our beliefs as true (this is also a good thing. See my post on "Is indoctrination really a bad word?").
There is quite a conversation about what worship is. Is worship only the time we spend Sunday mornings singing songs to God and listening to a preacher or does it have something to do with the rest of our lives? Some say they go to church to worship God and to meet God. Well, I don't know about you, but Christ has taken residence in my heart since I was saved and so goes with me everywhere I go. I chat with him regularly. Im on the bus and someone comes to mind that I am having trouble understanding, I'm not afraid to say "Hey Jesus, what do you think I should do?" Frequently he brings to mind people in the bible and how they dealt with similar issues or gives me the scripture verse that tells me the answer. No I'm not hearing voices or anything of the like, I just know that my Saviour is real and listens when I call on him. According to that, I don't have to go to church to talk to him.
My own personal opinion about worship is that it takes place with everything we do. Waking up in the morning, eating breakfast, being on time for work, treating my clients with kindness, generosity and respect. They all are acts of worship. Anything that will allow God's light to shine in a dark world is an act of worship. Therefore, I don't have to go to church to worship.
There is one reflection of worship though that is better at church. The songs we sing, the prayers we say, the verses we read, the sermons we hear, they are all things an unbelieving world doesn't understand. They are sanctified and mean something very special to those of us that understand true communion with God. When we try to force ourselves to use these tools outside of a Christian circle, we sometimes give Satan a foothold to interrupt the work God wants to do. (Don't get me wrong. I am not saying we shouldn't bring these things outside the church. I am speaking specifically about the people NOT gifted in evangelism and teaching. The fear of what other people think of them can be truly crippling and dispel any communion that would otherwise happen). In these situations, we can easily become self conscious and distracted. Church gives people like that a place where they can leave the self consciousness at the door, put down the fear of doing the wrong thing and enter a kind of communion with God that otherwise might be tainted or, God-forbid, not even happen.
St. Teresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross both refer to the place we enter in these times of intentional worship as consolations. They are sweet consolations bestowed on us by our Beloved in times where we choose to be intimate with Him. It is these consolations that inspire us to maintain our faith even though the world pushes us to deny it.
To sum it up, the early church fathers saw the real life evidence of the parable of the sower. They saw that people on their own would struggle in their faith, would question it's truth and would be more likely to live a life that wasn't seasoned with salt and exuding the light that God shines through us. The reason they started churches back then was because they knew only in a place of true grace and acceptance could we really experience the sweet consolations God has for us and that those are the fuel of our faith. Church has taken different forms for different cultures and different generations, but ultimately, it serves exactly the same purpose. It gives us a place to come with wreckless abandon to the throne room of God, prostrate ourselves before him and express exactly what we really feel to our Creator, Saviour, Healer and Friend.
It is only now after a 10 year journey that I have seen the truth, but I know in the depth of my heart that it's what God is trying to teach me. It is being confirmed in every conversation I have and even by what my pastor preaches. He preached on the place of doubt in church and that it actually is not detrimental, in fact it has a very important place. He said not to let doubt make you stop coming to church. He said make sure you continue to go to church through your doubts. He said bring your doubts and voice them. Not accusingly, but honestly and sincerely. Basically he said, bring yourself as you are and as God has you now to this place of worship, realize that you are truly accepted even if you have doubts and use the experience and wisdom of the people there to help you get through those doubts. Let them pray for you to find the truth for yourself. Let them show you that they are God's people and whatever you are doubting is what God wants you to learn. My pastor may not have used the same words, but that's basically what I heard.
For those of you that read regularly but don't attend my church, sometimes there are things that are posted here that relate to the sermon or something in the service specifically that you weren't there to experience. My church records their sermons on CD so I asked if I could post it here. They seemed receptive to the idea, but still want to run it by the leadership, so I hope to soon have a link list to the recent sermons by date. Also, if I can work it out, I'll post it as a video so you can see the powerpoint presentations and words to the music as well. I'll keep you posted.
Gracefully yours
Leah
