I love reading people's thoughts on spiritual matters that are fully grounded in their faith. You can tell by their writing when their faith has been confirmed in their lives by experience and not just taught to them by books and Sunday School teachers. I thank God that the denomination I adhere to is led by a man such as this. This letter was sent to all Salvationists (members of the Salvation Army Church) to be shared with those that might benefit. I have tried to describe real hope and trust in my own words and never come as close as he has to a "Real" definition. Enjoy! :-)
HOPE
Dear Fellow Salvationists,
I write in the Name of Jesus to greet and encourage you.
Here in London we are in the late weeks of the Autumn season, but the weather is unusually mild just now and we can venture out of doors, without the need for heavy clothing, to enjoy the falling leaves as the trees turn golden brown. The children walk and skip to school with a carpet of fallen leaves beneath their feet. As they kick happily at the gathered gold, a sudden gust of wind will propel the fallen foliage once again into the air. It is an enchanting season. In the southern hemisphere you are in Spring-time, with promise and hope bursting outward and upward from the earth to remind you of new life.
Like all Christian believers, Salvationists are a people of hope. In mentioning hope I do not mean that shallow, facile optimism that says, ‘Things will probably turn out alright in the end.’ Christian hope proclaims the certainty that in Christ Jesus all is well now, regardless of our outward circumstances, and that we have the gift of hope from God not only for this life but for all eternity too. In 1 Corinthians 15:19 we are reminded that we have hope in Christ not only for this earthly life. Were this untrue then we are to be pitied above all others.
Titus 3:7 describes true believers as ‘heirs having the hope of eternal life’. In this promise, and in many more found in Scripture, we sense the certainty of God’s provision and the sureness of His promises. He does not toy with us. He offers us the gift of hope. We are free to accept or to reject His offer. My heart is filled with praise to God for each one of you reading this who has gladly and wholeheartedly accepted the Heavenly Father’s infinitely gracious offer of hope – hope for today and for all our tomorrows.
Wednesday 8 December 2010
Tuesday 7 December 2010
My First Paper Since Back to School - YAY!!
So I've been meeting with a tutor since November. She's going to help me with accountability, productivity and processing concepts that are hard due to my learning disability and other stuff. Let me say she is ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC. Thank you Karen.
So we started by getting to know what terrifies me about school, my strengths, weaknesses, expected hurdles and complicators (things that will make seemingly easy tasks feel unsurmountable). First thing we identified as an issue was communicating thoughts and writing papers. I usually write via "free think" method. If I think it, it goes on the paper, never to be erased. I was taught outlines in school and could fill in the worksheets better than anyone in my class, but when it came to turning that idea into a rough draft, not so much. My brain got stuck. I figured I was doing something wrong, so as always with me, tossed the entire idea out. I get 70% and higher on most of my papers so who needed an outline?
Karen taught me how to put information into an outline and how to know if I was done researching. My first assignment was to write a 2 page paper on religion versus spirituality using the outline method. I got the entire thing filled out and THUMP! There's that stupid wall again. I was so frustrated.
So the nice thing about a tutor is "I got so frustrated I couldn't think" is actually an acceptable reason for your homework not being done. We talked through what stopped me from writing the paper and she gave me a whole bunch of things to do when I can't write. They all included writing things I was thinking down and NOT erasing them (she wanted to see my thought process). So I was determined to write my paper today. I sat down with my outline, added the extra research she asked for and tried to write. Strangely, I was right back in front of the wall I was fighting before.
Something Karen said in her tricks to get around it was if you write everything out and you still can't get it out, play to your strength. Draw or paint the frustration or the inspiration or whatever. Get something on something so you can move on. Started thinking about that and remembered an experiment I did with voice recognition software a while ago cause I noticed I can talk till I'm blue in the face (sometimes literally), but I despise writing. I turned on the software, grabbed my mic and started writing, er...talking. In 1 hour, I wrote the entire 2 page essay. I had no rabbit trails and I used pretty much everything from my outline. I was really proud of myself!!
I figured you guys might want to share so here it is. Enjoy!
The challenge was made to compare religion and spirituality or faith. First we have to define each then to discover how one relates to the other. My research has shown me that spirituality and faith are not synonyms, but in reality two ideas that coexist side by side and cannot be separated. Religion is the evidence of these two concepts and therefore also cannot be separated.
Spirituality is by definition “concern for that which is unseen and intangible as opposed to physical or mundane”. According to Miriam Webster, It is also “an appreciation for religious values”. Diving into scripture we find no references to the word in any translation. The word was first used in the 15th century to describe the clergy. Since then it has evolved to describe a person’s exploration of the supernatural. In the Christian context, spirituality is how we go about finding and connecting to our creator. Cultural historian and yogi William Irwin Thompson states “religion is not identical with spirituality rather religion is the form spirituality takes in civilization”. If exploration of the theological were an art form, spirituality would be the medium that is used. It is neither the inspiration (the impetus of an idea) nor the form (the final product). Spirituality would be that clay, paint, chalk, or charcoal. For some, spirituality takes on a charismatic form, for others a more liturgical form. No matter who the explorer is, spirituality is there in some way.
Using the example of theological exploration as an art form, religion is the form. It is what others see when they look at us. An onlooker may see a Christian knelt at the altar, the child singing Sunday school songs, or a person reading scripture. All are examples of religion, our faith in action. James 1:27 says “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” Dictionary.reference.com defines religion as “ritual observance of faith”. It is the actions involved with belief that set us apart from the unbelieving world, rituals we undertake as physical manifestations of our faith.
Many Christians, have been led on a study of faith in scripture. It has no doubt led them to Hebrews chapter 11 verse 11 which says, “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see”. It has also been described as “belief and trust in and loyalty to God”. Faith is the inspiration in the art form. It is the impetus for everything else. Faith is the decision that god exists, regardless of proof, that inspires spirituality and the quest to find our creator, resulting in religious observance – outward evidence of our faith.
In sociological study, there are three categories to describe a given ideology. They are beliefs, values, and behaviors. Beliefs are the unchangeable unshakable things that we understand at the core of our being. They’re rarely influenced by what others may say. Values are the things that guide how we live our lives. Behaviors are affected by those beliefs and values and are the evidence of our ideological stand. Faith corresponds to the beliefs. It is those truths that we have accepted and integrated into our lives. Spirituality is the values. It is the important parts. They will shift and change as we mature and will take on a different look through the lives. Religion is the behaviors. It is the way we enact those beliefs and values. You cannot take away a person’s beliefs and still have a person. You cannot remove their values or you remove the compass by which they make the decisions. You cannot remove the behavior. They would become statues with no impetus and no medium. Thus religion spirituality and faith cannot exist independently. But coexist giving form and meaning to each other much like the triune God that created us.
So we started by getting to know what terrifies me about school, my strengths, weaknesses, expected hurdles and complicators (things that will make seemingly easy tasks feel unsurmountable). First thing we identified as an issue was communicating thoughts and writing papers. I usually write via "free think" method. If I think it, it goes on the paper, never to be erased. I was taught outlines in school and could fill in the worksheets better than anyone in my class, but when it came to turning that idea into a rough draft, not so much. My brain got stuck. I figured I was doing something wrong, so as always with me, tossed the entire idea out. I get 70% and higher on most of my papers so who needed an outline?
Karen taught me how to put information into an outline and how to know if I was done researching. My first assignment was to write a 2 page paper on religion versus spirituality using the outline method. I got the entire thing filled out and THUMP! There's that stupid wall again. I was so frustrated.
So the nice thing about a tutor is "I got so frustrated I couldn't think" is actually an acceptable reason for your homework not being done. We talked through what stopped me from writing the paper and she gave me a whole bunch of things to do when I can't write. They all included writing things I was thinking down and NOT erasing them (she wanted to see my thought process). So I was determined to write my paper today. I sat down with my outline, added the extra research she asked for and tried to write. Strangely, I was right back in front of the wall I was fighting before.
Something Karen said in her tricks to get around it was if you write everything out and you still can't get it out, play to your strength. Draw or paint the frustration or the inspiration or whatever. Get something on something so you can move on. Started thinking about that and remembered an experiment I did with voice recognition software a while ago cause I noticed I can talk till I'm blue in the face (sometimes literally), but I despise writing. I turned on the software, grabbed my mic and started writing, er...talking. In 1 hour, I wrote the entire 2 page essay. I had no rabbit trails and I used pretty much everything from my outline. I was really proud of myself!!
I figured you guys might want to share so here it is. Enjoy!
The challenge was made to compare religion and spirituality or faith. First we have to define each then to discover how one relates to the other. My research has shown me that spirituality and faith are not synonyms, but in reality two ideas that coexist side by side and cannot be separated. Religion is the evidence of these two concepts and therefore also cannot be separated.
Spirituality is by definition “concern for that which is unseen and intangible as opposed to physical or mundane”. According to Miriam Webster, It is also “an appreciation for religious values”. Diving into scripture we find no references to the word in any translation. The word was first used in the 15th century to describe the clergy. Since then it has evolved to describe a person’s exploration of the supernatural. In the Christian context, spirituality is how we go about finding and connecting to our creator. Cultural historian and yogi William Irwin Thompson states “religion is not identical with spirituality rather religion is the form spirituality takes in civilization”. If exploration of the theological were an art form, spirituality would be the medium that is used. It is neither the inspiration (the impetus of an idea) nor the form (the final product). Spirituality would be that clay, paint, chalk, or charcoal. For some, spirituality takes on a charismatic form, for others a more liturgical form. No matter who the explorer is, spirituality is there in some way.
Using the example of theological exploration as an art form, religion is the form. It is what others see when they look at us. An onlooker may see a Christian knelt at the altar, the child singing Sunday school songs, or a person reading scripture. All are examples of religion, our faith in action. James 1:27 says “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” Dictionary.reference.com defines religion as “ritual observance of faith”. It is the actions involved with belief that set us apart from the unbelieving world, rituals we undertake as physical manifestations of our faith.
Many Christians, have been led on a study of faith in scripture. It has no doubt led them to Hebrews chapter 11 verse 11 which says, “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see”. It has also been described as “belief and trust in and loyalty to God”. Faith is the inspiration in the art form. It is the impetus for everything else. Faith is the decision that god exists, regardless of proof, that inspires spirituality and the quest to find our creator, resulting in religious observance – outward evidence of our faith.
In sociological study, there are three categories to describe a given ideology. They are beliefs, values, and behaviors. Beliefs are the unchangeable unshakable things that we understand at the core of our being. They’re rarely influenced by what others may say. Values are the things that guide how we live our lives. Behaviors are affected by those beliefs and values and are the evidence of our ideological stand. Faith corresponds to the beliefs. It is those truths that we have accepted and integrated into our lives. Spirituality is the values. It is the important parts. They will shift and change as we mature and will take on a different look through the lives. Religion is the behaviors. It is the way we enact those beliefs and values. You cannot take away a person’s beliefs and still have a person. You cannot remove their values or you remove the compass by which they make the decisions. You cannot remove the behavior. They would become statues with no impetus and no medium. Thus religion spirituality and faith cannot exist independently. But coexist giving form and meaning to each other much like the triune God that created us.
Sunday 21 November 2010
Why does church exist?
I asked myself why church exists 2 weeks ago. Not because I think its a bad thing. Just because I asked myself what I would say if someone asked my why I go to church. Its a question that has been floating around in the back of my brain trying to get answered. I started by asking why I go to church and then asked myself how many of those reasons can help to answer why other people go to church. I tried to think of it in context of why people started going to church in the beginning and why they have continued for so many centuries. First, why I go to church.
I first started going to church because Dad took me. Me and my brother both went until my brother was 12. I was 10 at that time and my brother had tried to get out of it for years. Something about church resonated with me. It's only now that I have identified within myself a sensitivity to the spiritual realm and that sensitivity has made me seek my creator at every step of my life. There was never a question of if I was created, just a question of who created me. The precepts in the bible have always resonated with me and I keep coming back to it and Christianity as the real answer.
Don't get me wrong, I tried other things. As a teenager, I participated in Wiccan rites and Satanic rituals. There is an Occult movement in Calgary that a lot of Christians are afraid to acknowledge, but it reminds me constantly that the Spiritual War we are called to wage is real and current. Every choice we make, every relationship we nurture sways the balance one direction or the other. I am hoping my actions generally sway it in the right direction.
Sorry, rabbit trail. Sometimes they're necessary. So church. The sensitivity to the spirit that I have always felt has made me question what I believe constantly. I will be honest. At some points, I have nearly talked myself out of the idea of church. It was a scary place for me when I returned. As a teenager I still acknowledged God as creator and the choices I was making were not an intentional insult to him, they were just the poor decisions of a teenager reaching out. (If you don't know my testimony, click here to read it, but be forewarned, it's a little graphic). I took part in the occult activity to see if the spiritual calling I had always felt would be satisfied in those worlds. Needless to say they weren't. In fact, the rites I participated in just made me more convinced that what I learned in the bible was true and I needed to get to know God a little more. Once my life was on the right path, I decided church is good, I just have to find the right church that does it the right way.
I had a very legalistic mind set at that point (it was necessary to turn my life around). It was always the right way or the highway for me. I didn't realize at the time that the "right" way was actually my way. Fortunately, I serve a gracious God and he has forgiven me for that. Slowly, the right counsellors in my life made me realize that my way isn't always the right way and its okay to be wrong. Granted it took them 8 years to teach me that and I still forget it sometimes, but I think I have the general principle down.
I went back to church when I was 18 with a genuine desire to find God. The first church I went to was full of people truly and honestly chasing after God. The worship was genuine, the people were honest and the preacher didn't preach as if he knew everything (that's a good thing). There were some significant things that happened to the people in leadership at that church all at the same time and slowly, the church started to dwindle. I could see what was happening and that was where this question of why do I go to church began. We started thinking about what a church should have. Sometimes it was people our age, sometimes it was established programs, sometimes it was people we knew, sometimes it was a preacher who really seemed to know God. We searched scripture for the rules of what a good church was and never really found an answer. Now I know why, but that's for later.
The last church I went to before the one I attend now was a very big learning experience for me personally, emotionally and spiritually. I was the intern worship leader and they were supposed to be teaching me how to do it, but things didn't go well. I won't give you the details, but I ended up very hurt and questioned whether people who ran churches really cared about God and his mission at all. Each leader didn't seem to pray to find out what God wanted the church to do and everyone had different ideas. Some thought it should become a modern, seeker-driven worship center, some thought it should revert to a hymn singing traditional church and others thought it needed to become a jumping off point for some kind of community outreach. The fighting and indecision made me wonder if they were really following God at all. They weren't the first spiritual leaders that didn't seem to care and so I wondered whether church was a good thing at all.
The last 4 years of my life have been spent worshipping with the officers and congregation of the Glenmore Temple of the Salvation Army. They have really shown me why church exists and taught me why Christians should go to church. The bible doesn't say anywhere "Thou shalt go to church every Sunday without fail". The bible doesn't really tell us how we should do church. The bible tells us that we should fellowship with other believers. It also gives us a lot of information on how to act as people generally. In addition it says to be aware because the devil is prowling like a lion trying to take us down. Putting all of these together, this is what I have put together as my reason for going to church.
Fellowship with believers makes us feel accepted. It shows us that other people in the world believe the same things we do and therefore it is okay for us to believe. It gives us a place where we can talk about things that an unbelieving world labels as crazy or delussional without being afraid of what the people around us think. This also gives us trustworthy people to help us guard against heresy
Church also gives those who come from unbelieving families and countries a place of support, Ccnnecting them with others who also believe. Would you rather have your children babysat by someone who might read scripture to them as a bedtime story or try to invite their significant other over and have a makeout session with them? When the people in our lives reflect the beliefs we carry, our families are more likely to accept our beliefs as true (this is also a good thing. See my post on "Is indoctrination really a bad word?").
There is quite a conversation about what worship is. Is worship only the time we spend Sunday mornings singing songs to God and listening to a preacher or does it have something to do with the rest of our lives? Some say they go to church to worship God and to meet God. Well, I don't know about you, but Christ has taken residence in my heart since I was saved and so goes with me everywhere I go. I chat with him regularly. Im on the bus and someone comes to mind that I am having trouble understanding, I'm not afraid to say "Hey Jesus, what do you think I should do?" Frequently he brings to mind people in the bible and how they dealt with similar issues or gives me the scripture verse that tells me the answer. No I'm not hearing voices or anything of the like, I just know that my Saviour is real and listens when I call on him. According to that, I don't have to go to church to talk to him.
My own personal opinion about worship is that it takes place with everything we do. Waking up in the morning, eating breakfast, being on time for work, treating my clients with kindness, generosity and respect. They all are acts of worship. Anything that will allow God's light to shine in a dark world is an act of worship. Therefore, I don't have to go to church to worship.
There is one reflection of worship though that is better at church. The songs we sing, the prayers we say, the verses we read, the sermons we hear, they are all things an unbelieving world doesn't understand. They are sanctified and mean something very special to those of us that understand true communion with God. When we try to force ourselves to use these tools outside of a Christian circle, we sometimes give Satan a foothold to interrupt the work God wants to do. (Don't get me wrong. I am not saying we shouldn't bring these things outside the church. I am speaking specifically about the people NOT gifted in evangelism and teaching. The fear of what other people think of them can be truly crippling and dispel any communion that would otherwise happen). In these situations, we can easily become self conscious and distracted. Church gives people like that a place where they can leave the self consciousness at the door, put down the fear of doing the wrong thing and enter a kind of communion with God that otherwise might be tainted or, God-forbid, not even happen.
St. Teresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross both refer to the place we enter in these times of intentional worship as consolations. They are sweet consolations bestowed on us by our Beloved in times where we choose to be intimate with Him. It is these consolations that inspire us to maintain our faith even though the world pushes us to deny it.
To sum it up, the early church fathers saw the real life evidence of the parable of the sower. They saw that people on their own would struggle in their faith, would question it's truth and would be more likely to live a life that wasn't seasoned with salt and exuding the light that God shines through us. The reason they started churches back then was because they knew only in a place of true grace and acceptance could we really experience the sweet consolations God has for us and that those are the fuel of our faith. Church has taken different forms for different cultures and different generations, but ultimately, it serves exactly the same purpose. It gives us a place to come with wreckless abandon to the throne room of God, prostrate ourselves before him and express exactly what we really feel to our Creator, Saviour, Healer and Friend.
It is only now after a 10 year journey that I have seen the truth, but I know in the depth of my heart that it's what God is trying to teach me. It is being confirmed in every conversation I have and even by what my pastor preaches. He preached on the place of doubt in church and that it actually is not detrimental, in fact it has a very important place. He said not to let doubt make you stop coming to church. He said make sure you continue to go to church through your doubts. He said bring your doubts and voice them. Not accusingly, but honestly and sincerely. Basically he said, bring yourself as you are and as God has you now to this place of worship, realize that you are truly accepted even if you have doubts and use the experience and wisdom of the people there to help you get through those doubts. Let them pray for you to find the truth for yourself. Let them show you that they are God's people and whatever you are doubting is what God wants you to learn. My pastor may not have used the same words, but that's basically what I heard.
For those of you that read regularly but don't attend my church, sometimes there are things that are posted here that relate to the sermon or something in the service specifically that you weren't there to experience. My church records their sermons on CD so I asked if I could post it here. They seemed receptive to the idea, but still want to run it by the leadership, so I hope to soon have a link list to the recent sermons by date. Also, if I can work it out, I'll post it as a video so you can see the powerpoint presentations and words to the music as well. I'll keep you posted.
Gracefully yours
Leah
I first started going to church because Dad took me. Me and my brother both went until my brother was 12. I was 10 at that time and my brother had tried to get out of it for years. Something about church resonated with me. It's only now that I have identified within myself a sensitivity to the spiritual realm and that sensitivity has made me seek my creator at every step of my life. There was never a question of if I was created, just a question of who created me. The precepts in the bible have always resonated with me and I keep coming back to it and Christianity as the real answer.
Don't get me wrong, I tried other things. As a teenager, I participated in Wiccan rites and Satanic rituals. There is an Occult movement in Calgary that a lot of Christians are afraid to acknowledge, but it reminds me constantly that the Spiritual War we are called to wage is real and current. Every choice we make, every relationship we nurture sways the balance one direction or the other. I am hoping my actions generally sway it in the right direction.
Sorry, rabbit trail. Sometimes they're necessary. So church. The sensitivity to the spirit that I have always felt has made me question what I believe constantly. I will be honest. At some points, I have nearly talked myself out of the idea of church. It was a scary place for me when I returned. As a teenager I still acknowledged God as creator and the choices I was making were not an intentional insult to him, they were just the poor decisions of a teenager reaching out. (If you don't know my testimony, click here to read it, but be forewarned, it's a little graphic). I took part in the occult activity to see if the spiritual calling I had always felt would be satisfied in those worlds. Needless to say they weren't. In fact, the rites I participated in just made me more convinced that what I learned in the bible was true and I needed to get to know God a little more. Once my life was on the right path, I decided church is good, I just have to find the right church that does it the right way.
I had a very legalistic mind set at that point (it was necessary to turn my life around). It was always the right way or the highway for me. I didn't realize at the time that the "right" way was actually my way. Fortunately, I serve a gracious God and he has forgiven me for that. Slowly, the right counsellors in my life made me realize that my way isn't always the right way and its okay to be wrong. Granted it took them 8 years to teach me that and I still forget it sometimes, but I think I have the general principle down.
I went back to church when I was 18 with a genuine desire to find God. The first church I went to was full of people truly and honestly chasing after God. The worship was genuine, the people were honest and the preacher didn't preach as if he knew everything (that's a good thing). There were some significant things that happened to the people in leadership at that church all at the same time and slowly, the church started to dwindle. I could see what was happening and that was where this question of why do I go to church began. We started thinking about what a church should have. Sometimes it was people our age, sometimes it was established programs, sometimes it was people we knew, sometimes it was a preacher who really seemed to know God. We searched scripture for the rules of what a good church was and never really found an answer. Now I know why, but that's for later.
The last church I went to before the one I attend now was a very big learning experience for me personally, emotionally and spiritually. I was the intern worship leader and they were supposed to be teaching me how to do it, but things didn't go well. I won't give you the details, but I ended up very hurt and questioned whether people who ran churches really cared about God and his mission at all. Each leader didn't seem to pray to find out what God wanted the church to do and everyone had different ideas. Some thought it should become a modern, seeker-driven worship center, some thought it should revert to a hymn singing traditional church and others thought it needed to become a jumping off point for some kind of community outreach. The fighting and indecision made me wonder if they were really following God at all. They weren't the first spiritual leaders that didn't seem to care and so I wondered whether church was a good thing at all.
The last 4 years of my life have been spent worshipping with the officers and congregation of the Glenmore Temple of the Salvation Army. They have really shown me why church exists and taught me why Christians should go to church. The bible doesn't say anywhere "Thou shalt go to church every Sunday without fail". The bible doesn't really tell us how we should do church. The bible tells us that we should fellowship with other believers. It also gives us a lot of information on how to act as people generally. In addition it says to be aware because the devil is prowling like a lion trying to take us down. Putting all of these together, this is what I have put together as my reason for going to church.
Fellowship with believers makes us feel accepted. It shows us that other people in the world believe the same things we do and therefore it is okay for us to believe. It gives us a place where we can talk about things that an unbelieving world labels as crazy or delussional without being afraid of what the people around us think. This also gives us trustworthy people to help us guard against heresy
Church also gives those who come from unbelieving families and countries a place of support, Ccnnecting them with others who also believe. Would you rather have your children babysat by someone who might read scripture to them as a bedtime story or try to invite their significant other over and have a makeout session with them? When the people in our lives reflect the beliefs we carry, our families are more likely to accept our beliefs as true (this is also a good thing. See my post on "Is indoctrination really a bad word?").
There is quite a conversation about what worship is. Is worship only the time we spend Sunday mornings singing songs to God and listening to a preacher or does it have something to do with the rest of our lives? Some say they go to church to worship God and to meet God. Well, I don't know about you, but Christ has taken residence in my heart since I was saved and so goes with me everywhere I go. I chat with him regularly. Im on the bus and someone comes to mind that I am having trouble understanding, I'm not afraid to say "Hey Jesus, what do you think I should do?" Frequently he brings to mind people in the bible and how they dealt with similar issues or gives me the scripture verse that tells me the answer. No I'm not hearing voices or anything of the like, I just know that my Saviour is real and listens when I call on him. According to that, I don't have to go to church to talk to him.
My own personal opinion about worship is that it takes place with everything we do. Waking up in the morning, eating breakfast, being on time for work, treating my clients with kindness, generosity and respect. They all are acts of worship. Anything that will allow God's light to shine in a dark world is an act of worship. Therefore, I don't have to go to church to worship.
There is one reflection of worship though that is better at church. The songs we sing, the prayers we say, the verses we read, the sermons we hear, they are all things an unbelieving world doesn't understand. They are sanctified and mean something very special to those of us that understand true communion with God. When we try to force ourselves to use these tools outside of a Christian circle, we sometimes give Satan a foothold to interrupt the work God wants to do. (Don't get me wrong. I am not saying we shouldn't bring these things outside the church. I am speaking specifically about the people NOT gifted in evangelism and teaching. The fear of what other people think of them can be truly crippling and dispel any communion that would otherwise happen). In these situations, we can easily become self conscious and distracted. Church gives people like that a place where they can leave the self consciousness at the door, put down the fear of doing the wrong thing and enter a kind of communion with God that otherwise might be tainted or, God-forbid, not even happen.
St. Teresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross both refer to the place we enter in these times of intentional worship as consolations. They are sweet consolations bestowed on us by our Beloved in times where we choose to be intimate with Him. It is these consolations that inspire us to maintain our faith even though the world pushes us to deny it.
To sum it up, the early church fathers saw the real life evidence of the parable of the sower. They saw that people on their own would struggle in their faith, would question it's truth and would be more likely to live a life that wasn't seasoned with salt and exuding the light that God shines through us. The reason they started churches back then was because they knew only in a place of true grace and acceptance could we really experience the sweet consolations God has for us and that those are the fuel of our faith. Church has taken different forms for different cultures and different generations, but ultimately, it serves exactly the same purpose. It gives us a place to come with wreckless abandon to the throne room of God, prostrate ourselves before him and express exactly what we really feel to our Creator, Saviour, Healer and Friend.
It is only now after a 10 year journey that I have seen the truth, but I know in the depth of my heart that it's what God is trying to teach me. It is being confirmed in every conversation I have and even by what my pastor preaches. He preached on the place of doubt in church and that it actually is not detrimental, in fact it has a very important place. He said not to let doubt make you stop coming to church. He said make sure you continue to go to church through your doubts. He said bring your doubts and voice them. Not accusingly, but honestly and sincerely. Basically he said, bring yourself as you are and as God has you now to this place of worship, realize that you are truly accepted even if you have doubts and use the experience and wisdom of the people there to help you get through those doubts. Let them pray for you to find the truth for yourself. Let them show you that they are God's people and whatever you are doubting is what God wants you to learn. My pastor may not have used the same words, but that's basically what I heard.
For those of you that read regularly but don't attend my church, sometimes there are things that are posted here that relate to the sermon or something in the service specifically that you weren't there to experience. My church records their sermons on CD so I asked if I could post it here. They seemed receptive to the idea, but still want to run it by the leadership, so I hope to soon have a link list to the recent sermons by date. Also, if I can work it out, I'll post it as a video so you can see the powerpoint presentations and words to the music as well. I'll keep you posted.
Gracefully yours
Leah
Friday 29 October 2010
How I became an Ojibwa
I am so sorry to those who have been waiting breath abaited for this. I don't get much time to write during the week and had a lot of house work to catch up on last weekend (which we actually succeeded at doing).
So as some of you already know, my Grandad passed away this month. I am not sad that he is gone, although I think often about how many times he snuck me bubble gum when I was growing up. He was very sick and in alot of pain. It had started a few years ago with a stroke and went downhill from there. He had a habit of telling it like it was, or at least the way he saw it and really there was no other way. I haven't really spent time with him in about 15 years. I always told myself I would get there next year. I guess next year finally came. Note to self, don't do that again.
So Grandad's funeral actually posed a bit of a spiritual challenge for me. Grandad wasn't a Christian. He wasn't one of those wishy washy people that just say "I don't know what's out there". He vocally stood up to say he didn't believe in the bible and he didn't believe in religion. He didn't understand why I felt the need to go to church every week. My grandma confided in me once that he had told her if she wanted to read her bible and pray, she was welcome to do so, but it should happen in the privacy of her own bedroom when there was no one else around. My evangelistic spirit told me as soon as he passed away "it's too late". The thought of where he is now both terrifies me and makes me question what I consider true. It's with this in mind that I attended his funeral.
It was a short, simple service. He was a veteran so there was a service chaplain there and an honour guard. 18 men and women came from around BC to honour his passing. My grandma was surprised there were that many. He was buried to the sound of bagpipes. He was a scotchman through and through. Though he had no accent, you never doubted his heritage.
My Grandma told me after the service that a young man from the community was coming over that evening "to do something I've never done before". It turned out, that young man was an Ojibwa medicine man. If I remember correctly, his name was Wapsimahea. I could have it completely wrong though. He went by Solomon. I found that kind of ironic.
The ceremony he was doing was to honour my grandad. You see, grandad was an active part of the legion where they live. He took part in a candlelight ceremony every Rememberance Day in the local cemetary to commemorate the fallen soldiers and veterans that had passed. The Ojibwa believe that warriors are very important. They mean a lot in their culture. To be called a warrior is to be greatly honoured. Solomon had helped Grandad with this ceremony every year for a long time. Solomon said he had come to love Grandad very much. Because of this, his tribe had agreed to honour Grandad with an Eagle's feather. Usually it would have been hand beaded by one of the people in the tribe before the ceremony, but Solomon's mother wanted the priviledge of beading Grandad's feather and she was away so she would bead it later.
While Solomon was performing this ceremony, he explained some things about the Ojibwa beliefs. How they come into the world in the East and leave the world in the West. Sunset means a great deal to them. He also explained that They believe they come from the creator in the spirit world and are commisioned with caring for mother earth while they are here. He explained a whole lot of things about their theology that I don't think I can explain correctly to someone else. What I will say about it though is that it sounded very similar to the theology of Christians, even though it was missing the acceptance of Christ.
It got me thinking about the origins of the religions. Christianity started thousands of years ago before there was a global economy and internet. Before we even knew the world was round, let alone that other people existed there. The same is true of Ojibwa. It started when there was nothing but indians on what they call "Turtle Island" (North America). So is it possible then that God came to them like he came to the Jews and helped them understand him in their own terms? Is it possible that we actually worship the same God? Nothing Solomon told me about in the ceremony was counter scriptural, except that it was directed at Solomon's God. They call their God "Creator" so technically that's still not against scripture. I'm starting to research what God says about other religions, how the Ojibwa connect with their creator and what that means to what I've been taught. It's also making me revisit my beliefs on heaven and hell. I pray to God every night that Grandad isn't burning in eternal fire but have to hope that somewhere, somehow someone told him the truth and that he accepted it, even if he didn't tell other people about it. I guess that's the advantage to worshipping a God that knows our inmost thoughts and feelings.
The how I became an Ojibwa thing is that Solomon told us during the feather ceremony that when a rite like this is performed on someone outside the tribe, that person is now family. Family to the Ojibwa doesn't stop at blood lines. It is anyone that has taken part in things like this.
So now you know how I became an Ojibwa.
So as some of you already know, my Grandad passed away this month. I am not sad that he is gone, although I think often about how many times he snuck me bubble gum when I was growing up. He was very sick and in alot of pain. It had started a few years ago with a stroke and went downhill from there. He had a habit of telling it like it was, or at least the way he saw it and really there was no other way. I haven't really spent time with him in about 15 years. I always told myself I would get there next year. I guess next year finally came. Note to self, don't do that again.
So Grandad's funeral actually posed a bit of a spiritual challenge for me. Grandad wasn't a Christian. He wasn't one of those wishy washy people that just say "I don't know what's out there". He vocally stood up to say he didn't believe in the bible and he didn't believe in religion. He didn't understand why I felt the need to go to church every week. My grandma confided in me once that he had told her if she wanted to read her bible and pray, she was welcome to do so, but it should happen in the privacy of her own bedroom when there was no one else around. My evangelistic spirit told me as soon as he passed away "it's too late". The thought of where he is now both terrifies me and makes me question what I consider true. It's with this in mind that I attended his funeral.
It was a short, simple service. He was a veteran so there was a service chaplain there and an honour guard. 18 men and women came from around BC to honour his passing. My grandma was surprised there were that many. He was buried to the sound of bagpipes. He was a scotchman through and through. Though he had no accent, you never doubted his heritage.
My Grandma told me after the service that a young man from the community was coming over that evening "to do something I've never done before". It turned out, that young man was an Ojibwa medicine man. If I remember correctly, his name was Wapsimahea. I could have it completely wrong though. He went by Solomon. I found that kind of ironic.
The ceremony he was doing was to honour my grandad. You see, grandad was an active part of the legion where they live. He took part in a candlelight ceremony every Rememberance Day in the local cemetary to commemorate the fallen soldiers and veterans that had passed. The Ojibwa believe that warriors are very important. They mean a lot in their culture. To be called a warrior is to be greatly honoured. Solomon had helped Grandad with this ceremony every year for a long time. Solomon said he had come to love Grandad very much. Because of this, his tribe had agreed to honour Grandad with an Eagle's feather. Usually it would have been hand beaded by one of the people in the tribe before the ceremony, but Solomon's mother wanted the priviledge of beading Grandad's feather and she was away so she would bead it later.
While Solomon was performing this ceremony, he explained some things about the Ojibwa beliefs. How they come into the world in the East and leave the world in the West. Sunset means a great deal to them. He also explained that They believe they come from the creator in the spirit world and are commisioned with caring for mother earth while they are here. He explained a whole lot of things about their theology that I don't think I can explain correctly to someone else. What I will say about it though is that it sounded very similar to the theology of Christians, even though it was missing the acceptance of Christ.
It got me thinking about the origins of the religions. Christianity started thousands of years ago before there was a global economy and internet. Before we even knew the world was round, let alone that other people existed there. The same is true of Ojibwa. It started when there was nothing but indians on what they call "Turtle Island" (North America). So is it possible then that God came to them like he came to the Jews and helped them understand him in their own terms? Is it possible that we actually worship the same God? Nothing Solomon told me about in the ceremony was counter scriptural, except that it was directed at Solomon's God. They call their God "Creator" so technically that's still not against scripture. I'm starting to research what God says about other religions, how the Ojibwa connect with their creator and what that means to what I've been taught. It's also making me revisit my beliefs on heaven and hell. I pray to God every night that Grandad isn't burning in eternal fire but have to hope that somewhere, somehow someone told him the truth and that he accepted it, even if he didn't tell other people about it. I guess that's the advantage to worshipping a God that knows our inmost thoughts and feelings.
The how I became an Ojibwa thing is that Solomon told us during the feather ceremony that when a rite like this is performed on someone outside the tribe, that person is now family. Family to the Ojibwa doesn't stop at blood lines. It is anyone that has taken part in things like this.
So now you know how I became an Ojibwa.
Thursday 7 October 2010
In Jesus Name
So you'd think with what I believe, I would be completely in support of this phrase. In reality, I despise it. The phrase says "I don't have the capacity to love that person, so I'm going to do it in Jesus name". It almost releases us from the responsibility of changing who we are to become the people God made us to be.
I was talking to someone about a close friend I am worried about and they said at the end of the conversation "You just need to keep loving them in Jesus name". What if I want to love them in my name? Are they really so unlovable that I cannot out of my own strength love them? I think not. Just because I am not saying I am loving them in Jesus name, doesn't mean Jesus doesn't love them. I dont have to love them in Jesusname because God created the capacity in me to love regardless of the circumstances. It is not perfect, I judge and criticize and become selfish sometimes, but ultimately I am able to love that person. It really has gotten me thinking about the phrase and why it is used. Really put me off.
Sorry for the rant, but it was bugging me.
I was talking to someone about a close friend I am worried about and they said at the end of the conversation "You just need to keep loving them in Jesus name". What if I want to love them in my name? Are they really so unlovable that I cannot out of my own strength love them? I think not. Just because I am not saying I am loving them in Jesus name, doesn't mean Jesus doesn't love them. I dont have to love them in Jesusname because God created the capacity in me to love regardless of the circumstances. It is not perfect, I judge and criticize and become selfish sometimes, but ultimately I am able to love that person. It really has gotten me thinking about the phrase and why it is used. Really put me off.
Sorry for the rant, but it was bugging me.
Saturday 25 September 2010
A Breaking Heart
I am not naming any names here. You will know who you are. I don't want you to feel attacked or pressured. I love you very much and my life without you would mean much less, but I feel like I have to ask. You are a friend who was once a dear friend of God. He spoke through you numerous times before and whether you agree or not, he still does. Your search for God seems to have ended and not in the place I would have expected. I am not afraid for you for you have made your choices and I accept you as you are, but I try to imagine my life without the hope and confidence God gives it and my heart breaks. My strength comes from God so without him, I don't know how you carry your burdens. My joy comes from him so I don't know how you smile. My hope comes from his promise that he has plans for me. Plans for a hope and a future. Plans to prosper me and not to harm me. I don't know how you find a reason to go on. You haven't said exactly that you aren't a Christian or you don't believe in God anymore, but what I read and our conversations leave me wondering where you are. Our relationship is fragile so I don't want to push you away since I love you very dearly, but I need to know where you are at so I can temper my conversations and expressions accordingly. I am unsure because there are still conditions you place on certain situations that reflect Christian values. So maybe I have misunderstood (as always). I hope you don't feel attacked and I hope you understand why I couldn't ask you in person. I also hope we can havea girl day soon.
Due Warning
FYI guys, I wasn't posting for a long time because someone said my posts are always long winded. It takes too long for me to make them more concise. When I blog, I tend to just sit down and write whatever's in my brain and that's a lot lately. I said when I started this blog I am not apologizing for who I am so I'm not going to start now. Just be aware that reading my blog could take a while. Especially while I get the core ideas out :-)
Monday 20 September 2010
Click
And no I don't' mean the cheap alternative to SPAM.
I had a moment on Sunday. My Saviour met me. Or should I say I met my Saviour? Who knows. Either way, I was face to face with Christ...Finally. I have been struggling with surrender lately. It is a concept I have always talked about but rarely been able to do. To completely let God take over the things that challenge me is extremely hard. Can he really handle it? Will he do what's right for me?
He can and He will. It was scary there for a while. I started thinking this was a God who couldn't get me. If I am such a unique human being and everything is made for everyone else, how could he understand? I didn't see the answers to my prayers and I was thinking he didn't answer them. It challenged everything about what I believe. I thought he could move mountains and cared about everything I prayed for?
A couple of months ago, I decided to take a leap. After a conversation with my spiritual director, I started trying to lay everything down. Its not simple. You don't just tell your fingers "Let Go". I have to say let go and fifteen minutes later ask myself why I'm holding it again. I decided that I would tell myself a new story when people hurt me. No longer would I say "they're out to damage me" or "they'll never understand". I started trying to catch myself and say "they made a mistake" or "they understand me a little more now". It has taken a long time, but now my manager speaks to me with respect. He comes to me for input because he values it. My coworkers no longer fear teasing me (a little cause I still get caught off guard and they are trying not to hurt my feelings again). My husband doesn't get scared when I'm not happy. He knows it will pass.
I keep coming back to the song I started writing last year. Being that I am back in school now, I am surrounded by music and musicians and I have naturally started creating again. I think I will try to finish it by next year. Might have also turned itself into the start of a musical. I don't know exactly what about yet, but I could totally see it in Joseph and the technicolor dreamcoat.
The song was called "Surrender" and went like this:
Here I stand on the precipice
The altar calling from the canyon floor below
THe still Dark Night has ended
And it's a long way home
I long to hear your voice from the Chasm
I stand here broken and empty, alone
A whisper on the wind asks me to bend a broken knee
and surrender all I've held on to
I give myself to you in sweet surrender Lord
Put my life in your hands
give my heart to your will
open my spirit to your sweet song
And Surrender
The journey's long and hard and I'm alone
My heartache sorrow and fear weigh me down
I turn my eyes to you to lift the load that burdens me
and seek the rest that only you can bring
I give myself to you in sweet surrender Lord
Put my life in your hands
give my heart to your will
open my spirit to your sweet song
And Surrender
All to Jesus, I surrender
All to Him I freely give
I will ever love and trust Him
In His presence daily live
I Surrender all
I surrender all
all to thee my blessed Saviour
I surrender all.
I can hear the violin solo and the part where it's just an acoustic guitar strumming, but every time I've started to try to record it, things fall apart. I think I am going to record it all myself as I learn how to play the instruments I need. Might take more than a year, but we'll see what happens.
It's hard to tell myself after so many years of "you can't do this" that I can do this and am talented. I am afraid to say things or do things sometimes that other people might think is weird but that means they never get to see the things they wouldn't think are weird.
This week's addition to my picture? I am both humble and creative. I create without even thinking and don't think my work is better than anyone else's but still accord the credit it deserves. Maybe next week I can add outgoing to the list :-)
I had a moment on Sunday. My Saviour met me. Or should I say I met my Saviour? Who knows. Either way, I was face to face with Christ...Finally. I have been struggling with surrender lately. It is a concept I have always talked about but rarely been able to do. To completely let God take over the things that challenge me is extremely hard. Can he really handle it? Will he do what's right for me?
He can and He will. It was scary there for a while. I started thinking this was a God who couldn't get me. If I am such a unique human being and everything is made for everyone else, how could he understand? I didn't see the answers to my prayers and I was thinking he didn't answer them. It challenged everything about what I believe. I thought he could move mountains and cared about everything I prayed for?
A couple of months ago, I decided to take a leap. After a conversation with my spiritual director, I started trying to lay everything down. Its not simple. You don't just tell your fingers "Let Go". I have to say let go and fifteen minutes later ask myself why I'm holding it again. I decided that I would tell myself a new story when people hurt me. No longer would I say "they're out to damage me" or "they'll never understand". I started trying to catch myself and say "they made a mistake" or "they understand me a little more now". It has taken a long time, but now my manager speaks to me with respect. He comes to me for input because he values it. My coworkers no longer fear teasing me (a little cause I still get caught off guard and they are trying not to hurt my feelings again). My husband doesn't get scared when I'm not happy. He knows it will pass.
I keep coming back to the song I started writing last year. Being that I am back in school now, I am surrounded by music and musicians and I have naturally started creating again. I think I will try to finish it by next year. Might have also turned itself into the start of a musical. I don't know exactly what about yet, but I could totally see it in Joseph and the technicolor dreamcoat.
The song was called "Surrender" and went like this:
Here I stand on the precipice
The altar calling from the canyon floor below
THe still Dark Night has ended
And it's a long way home
I long to hear your voice from the Chasm
I stand here broken and empty, alone
A whisper on the wind asks me to bend a broken knee
and surrender all I've held on to
I give myself to you in sweet surrender Lord
Put my life in your hands
give my heart to your will
open my spirit to your sweet song
And Surrender
The journey's long and hard and I'm alone
My heartache sorrow and fear weigh me down
I turn my eyes to you to lift the load that burdens me
and seek the rest that only you can bring
I give myself to you in sweet surrender Lord
Put my life in your hands
give my heart to your will
open my spirit to your sweet song
And Surrender
All to Jesus, I surrender
All to Him I freely give
I will ever love and trust Him
In His presence daily live
I Surrender all
I surrender all
all to thee my blessed Saviour
I surrender all.
I can hear the violin solo and the part where it's just an acoustic guitar strumming, but every time I've started to try to record it, things fall apart. I think I am going to record it all myself as I learn how to play the instruments I need. Might take more than a year, but we'll see what happens.
It's hard to tell myself after so many years of "you can't do this" that I can do this and am talented. I am afraid to say things or do things sometimes that other people might think is weird but that means they never get to see the things they wouldn't think are weird.
This week's addition to my picture? I am both humble and creative. I create without even thinking and don't think my work is better than anyone else's but still accord the credit it deserves. Maybe next week I can add outgoing to the list :-)
Monday 13 September 2010
Monday 19 July 2010
Where I am, Who I am
So over this journey I've had trying to find myself and learn how to be me, I've had to determine where I am and who I want to be. Not who I want to turn into, but who I want to be right now. It's harder than I thought it would be. Do I define myself by what I do or by what people would say about me? Maybe I am defined by what I say about me. Where does God fit into all this? It started an interesting conversation.
The question is how does God fit into my new life? I am nothing like other people. The things I enjoy and hate aren't the same as most people. For other people, being fidgety and forgetting birthdays and anniversaries is a mark of not caring. For me, its a fact of life. Instead of using it as an excuse though, I am trying to do things to remind myself. Its hard, but I'm starting.
This all made me look at my relationship with church. That's where I used to experience God the most. Now, I haven't consistently attended for a year. Rich has made the comment that when I go to church, I have a better week, but I still have issues. I get frustrated with myself because I can't concentrate on the sermon, announcements or kids time. I feel like it is an insult to God to go into his house and not pay attention to him. Slowly I've been trying to accept that God knows my inner workings and understands, but I still can't get past the feeling that I offend him. Problem is, then I just don't go to church for weeks on end. Something tells me that's more of an insult than going and not paying attention.
I've thought about getting more involved in the services, but most churches require you to at least pretend to have a deep satisfying relationship with God before being involved in anything more than choir. How would you feel if you were the pastor or music coordinator at a church and one of the congregants said "Yeah, I get bored in the services so I'd like something to do. Do you think I could be involved in the worship team?" Some small part of me just thinks that's wrong.
It doesn't mean that I don't love God or want to commune with him. It's just that I've found a way to relate to God on my own terms. I listen to the fleeting topics that catch my fancy so briefly for things God might be saying to me. If I have a Bible verse that I can't remember, I go look it up. If I all of a sudden am remembering a conversation with someone about the right and wrong things to do or who God is, I don't just move past it. I try to remember. I take a moment and ask God, "What are you trying to say to me?"
It means I don't sit down for the "required" hour every morning with a Bible and a journal and study scripture. That is torture. Instead, I try to relate every experience to what I already know of God and leave every moment open to hearing something from him. I listen constantly for the still, small voice that I became so familiar with and let God guide my moments. I still have my ugly ones, but I'm human. Hopefully both God and people are willing to forgive me for them.
Now what I'm working on is creating a picture of who I want to be now. Not who I am going to change into, but who I am. I'm sorting through the habits and ideas I have and figuring out which ones were placed there by other people (like the idea that its insulting to spend time at God's house and not pay attention to him) and which ones God started (like the fact that I'm human and precious). I'm writing a lot of journal entries and lists lately which is weird, but good and every day when I look in the mirror, I feel like I look a little bit more like me. I can't wait to see what I look like when I'm done.
The question is how does God fit into my new life? I am nothing like other people. The things I enjoy and hate aren't the same as most people. For other people, being fidgety and forgetting birthdays and anniversaries is a mark of not caring. For me, its a fact of life. Instead of using it as an excuse though, I am trying to do things to remind myself. Its hard, but I'm starting.
This all made me look at my relationship with church. That's where I used to experience God the most. Now, I haven't consistently attended for a year. Rich has made the comment that when I go to church, I have a better week, but I still have issues. I get frustrated with myself because I can't concentrate on the sermon, announcements or kids time. I feel like it is an insult to God to go into his house and not pay attention to him. Slowly I've been trying to accept that God knows my inner workings and understands, but I still can't get past the feeling that I offend him. Problem is, then I just don't go to church for weeks on end. Something tells me that's more of an insult than going and not paying attention.
I've thought about getting more involved in the services, but most churches require you to at least pretend to have a deep satisfying relationship with God before being involved in anything more than choir. How would you feel if you were the pastor or music coordinator at a church and one of the congregants said "Yeah, I get bored in the services so I'd like something to do. Do you think I could be involved in the worship team?" Some small part of me just thinks that's wrong.
It doesn't mean that I don't love God or want to commune with him. It's just that I've found a way to relate to God on my own terms. I listen to the fleeting topics that catch my fancy so briefly for things God might be saying to me. If I have a Bible verse that I can't remember, I go look it up. If I all of a sudden am remembering a conversation with someone about the right and wrong things to do or who God is, I don't just move past it. I try to remember. I take a moment and ask God, "What are you trying to say to me?"
It means I don't sit down for the "required" hour every morning with a Bible and a journal and study scripture. That is torture. Instead, I try to relate every experience to what I already know of God and leave every moment open to hearing something from him. I listen constantly for the still, small voice that I became so familiar with and let God guide my moments. I still have my ugly ones, but I'm human. Hopefully both God and people are willing to forgive me for them.
Now what I'm working on is creating a picture of who I want to be now. Not who I am going to change into, but who I am. I'm sorting through the habits and ideas I have and figuring out which ones were placed there by other people (like the idea that its insulting to spend time at God's house and not pay attention to him) and which ones God started (like the fact that I'm human and precious). I'm writing a lot of journal entries and lists lately which is weird, but good and every day when I look in the mirror, I feel like I look a little bit more like me. I can't wait to see what I look like when I'm done.
Friday 21 May 2010
Life as I know it
So as some of you may already know, life as I know it has drastically changed this year. It is nothing that anyone else would notice, but it is hugely different to me. My previous ambition to become a worship leader has waxed and waning in its place is an ambition to become myself. I have had glimpses of who I am in the past and would push to make sure pieces of myself were maintained, but I never felt like I had what I needed to truly be myself. I now have the tools I needed to explore the inner workings of me confidently and courageously. When I come on things I don't like, I am not afraid of them or defeated by them. I can move quickly past them now and stand as I am, who I am looking forward to what tomorrow brings.
The name of my blog has changed to reflect that change in my life. Everything that was here prior remains since it all has part to do with who and what I am, but myblog will have a different focus and consistency going forward. Thank you to those of you who are still waiting breath abated (or not since I don't think I deserve it) for my next post. I hope not to let you down.
The name of my blog has changed to reflect that change in my life. Everything that was here prior remains since it all has part to do with who and what I am, but myblog will have a different focus and consistency going forward. Thank you to those of you who are still waiting breath abated (or not since I don't think I deserve it) for my next post. I hope not to let you down.
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