Rhythm

So I am starting to love my life now. With school done, I am able to take that time and dedicate it to things I love. I am feeling enriched, fulfilled, and capable. Three things that were rare prior to graduation. Now that I have more time on my hands, I figure I'll start to share some of my life with you again. First things first, my garden.

After 3 years of neglect, the weed monsters had moved into my yards with a vengeance bringing weeds up to my knees and shrubs made out of tree root suckers. It was kind of intimidating, but like Mom always said, the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. Here's what I was dealing with.

doesn't necessarily look so bad from a distance but everything in that flower bed is wild. My first task was to get rid of all of the overgrowth. Three years of it and this was only half of what I removed.

But I pressed on. My husband had said if I got all of the basic gardening and lawn care done, we could level the patio (at my request) and so I just kept the end goal in view, hunkered down and kept on going. One of the problems in the yard was there was a "bush" in the corner that looked suspiciously like the maple tree in the middle of the yard. I have a Nan King Cherry on the south end of the yard that I thought would look better than the overgrown maple so started digging. I forgot to take a picture with the gaping hole, but suffice it to say that six feet across and three feet down is not as easy as it sounds. It took me most of the day on Saturday to get it out, but eventually I did. When I got it out, lo and behold, it wasn't just an overgrown maple bush. It was a choked out Nan King Cherry. That's it in the picture behind me.

I pulled all of the maple roots and weeds out from around the root ball, washed it off and got ready to re-plant it. This was the pile of maple roots that were choking the cherry.

And this was the cherry back in its home with all of the weeding complete.

I can honestly say when you are going to do a project like this, it isn't wise to schedule running club and yoga on the same day, though by taking it easy at all of them, I wasn't in TOO much pain when I went to bed.

Sunday morning I got up early and started puttering. I finished all of the weeding in my vegetable garden bed before we left for Father's Day golf at Sylvan Lake. We got back too late for me to do any work on it before bed so I got to bed early and started planting early Monday morning (no work due to changeover YAY!!). By 9:30am I had finished planting what I had for seeds. Hopefully I got all of the instructions right and will soon have fresh grown food to eat.

All in all, I feel really good about finishing and sticking to a project. The yard is now ready for entertaining so if anyone wants to come break in my patio, let me know. I'll probably post again when we finish levelling it. Ta ta for now!!

 

Rejuvenation

It is when the over-stretched chaos of life finally subsides and I settle into a gentle busyness that occupies my mind just enough to feel productive and my hands just enough to feel useful, that I feel drawn into the arms of my Maker. As I putter in my garden and tidy random corners of my home, I feel like I step further and further into the interior castle of my soul, a place that the exuberant distractions of life has kept me from exploring in depth for far too long. As dear friends are drawn into my life in desperate need of life-giving prayer, and strangers pass by accompanied by whispers of the Spirit, I realize and revel in my true calling: to love the Creator's children and be loved by the Creator Himself. It is wonderful to know that when I, in my youth, was tired and weary, I could give my burdens to God and know that He would carry them. It is even more motivating to know that as I have trusted Him in the weariness, He has been faithful and I now begin to soar with eagles.

Isa 40:28-31 Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired. His understanding is inscrutable. He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power. Though youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly, yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.

A Mother's Day Lament and A Glimmer of Hope (I Hope)

To all the mothers out there who gave your children up for adoption, had your children taken away, whether permanently or temporarily, lost your children to death either before or after birth; to the children out there who never knew their mothers, because of adoption, death, or life circumstances; I pray that you would find solace for your grief today no matter how old it is. God knows your heart and your pain and will send His Spirit to console you through it if you let him. The grief may sneak up on you unexpectedly or you may feel it coming miles away, but in either case, it needs to be honoured. As Mahbod Seraji said in Rooftops of Tehran "A mother without her child is like a vein without blood" and words can't describe the anguish of a child without a mother. For the mothers, I pray that God will show you a place where you can use the natural longing to nurture, teach, and care for someone in a special way. For the children, I pray God would bring someone into your life that will show you a glimmer of the love and support a mother would no doubt have given you.

Mothers and motherhood are a critical part of any journey. Though I celebrate my own mother with exuberant joy and look forward to spending time with her this summer, I grieve that I am unable to pour into my own daughter's life and hurt deeply as I wait for God to bring the privilege of motherhood back into my life. For those who are not grieving today, celebrate powerfully with your mothers, children and grandchildren. They are something to be cherished. See the gift God has given you in them and let them know how you feel about them.

If you look on a woman whose heart is breaking, say a prayer for her and love her out loud. Whether she knows it or not, it will help to assuage the painful void that is so difficult to leave behind.

For those that need it, take refuge in the Word of God. I pray it would not fall like empty platitudes on those who need its wisdom.

John 16:21-22 "Whenever a woman is in labor she has pain, because her hour has come; but when she gives birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish because of the joy that a child has been born into the world. Therefore you too have grief now; but I will see you again, and your heart will rejoice, and no one will take your joy away from you."

Blah

It would seem the harder I try to pursue a state of contentment with my current surroundings, the more frustrated I get. It seems the harder I try to do something that I feel will get me closer to the life I want to have, the farther away it feels. I keep hoping people around me will start wanting to spend time with me, as in asking me if I want to do things, inviting me to tag along for movies, asking me to coffee. I was starting to think I was asking too much, but D and M have both started doing just that. Problem is, D is leaving soon and M, as I would think everyone should be, doesn't have the energy to be my only friend. I want to cry out to people and tell them how I feel in a way that will make them want to do it, but when I run it through my head I sound high maintenance and whiny. Is it asking too much to just want people to want to spend time with me? Sometimes I feel like it is. Problem is, now that I've posted this, if anyone does start to ask me to spend time with them, I won't give them credit for it because I had to ask. All of my life, I have tried my best to anticipate the needs of others and proactively provide for them so they would see value in my being and reciprocate, but it sometimes feels like no one has done the same for me. I am probably just over-reacting, but that doesn't change the fact that it makes me heart-sick. I have a lot of days I just wish I could do a mental reset and be like everyone else, but unfortunately that's not possible. It would seem I have no way to turn this unhealthy thought train around. It spins around on this closed track over and over forever keeping me from being able to be content. I have tried thought-stopping, I have tried positive re-enforcement, I have tried habitual replacement, I have tried cognitive behavioral therapy. Still I'm trapped in the cycle. I feel like the only thing that will change it is a regular pattern of people wanting me around, but I know even that won't help. Thought blogging it out would help, but so far.......