A Breaking Heart

I am not naming any names here. You will know who you are. I don't want you to feel attacked or pressured. I love you very much and my life without you would mean much less, but I feel like I have to ask. You are a friend who was once a dear friend of God. He spoke through you numerous times before and whether you agree or not, he still does. Your search for God seems to have ended and not in the place I would have expected. I am not afraid for you for you have made your choices and I accept you as you are, but I try to imagine my life without the hope and confidence God gives it and my heart breaks. My strength comes from God so without him, I don't know how you carry your burdens. My joy comes from him so I don't know how you smile. My hope comes from his promise that he has plans for me. Plans for a hope and a future. Plans to prosper me and not to harm me. I don't know how you find a reason to go on. You haven't said exactly that you aren't a Christian or you don't believe in God anymore, but what I read and our conversations leave me wondering where you are. Our relationship is fragile so I don't want to push you away since I love you very dearly, but I need to know where you are at so I can temper my conversations and expressions accordingly. I am unsure because there are still conditions you place on certain situations that reflect Christian values. So maybe I have misunderstood (as always). I hope you don't feel attacked and I hope you understand why I couldn't ask you in person. I also hope we can havea girl day soon.